Movie Time

Tough to entertain the kids in an empty flat... 

La Mudanza

We're moving house. Well, specifically we're moving from flat to house, from Buenos Aires to Lima,  

According to the google and people in bars, Moving House is one of the most stressful things you can experience, which I maintain is a pile of crap. Death, new job, booking flights online... they're more stressful without even thinking about it.

That said, I'm not saying it isn't a monumental pain. You never mention to a mate that you're moving and have them reply: Oh, packing boxes and sorting through piles of important time consuming crap? Count me in! Dust particles behind your retina? Love it. When do you want me there? How's 0830 for you?

Fortunately, Katie's work saved us the most of the hassle by sending strong men with their own boxes to do all the work for us, which was excellent, as even without doing the heavy lifting I am as tired as I have been for a long long time typing this.

But it's cathartic.

So now about everything we own is in boxes in the van below. The furniture goes tomorrow...

.. and so when the strong men left, they left a handful of industrial sized toys - such as giant bubble wrap - that the girls thought would be cracking to play with... We wrapped Maia in it and played house pinball. Quite fun really. For the three of us, anyway. Maia's cries of delight/terror were muffled.

And they also left a series of murder weapons that we found Maia sizing up, possibly in revenge for House Pinball. Nice touch, Men.

Yup. That's a stanley knife, a tape cutter... and a saw.

Una Cabala

Boca Campeon, and the cabala...

Tramites

Sir Ben Kinsley, rather type cast in Gandhi II

There is very very little new that I can possibly hope to add on this subject. Suffice to say that after three hours of queuing at the Peruvian Consulate, I reached a new tramites low.

My visit culminated in me being shown the door.

I wasn't at all rude, just a bumbling, clueless foreigner, trying to bust his way into the man's country, and The Man was having none of it. Something hadn't been signed, or apostiled, or pre-approved by the approved body.

So, in a rather undignified denouement, a door was opened, and the only mean Peruvian I've met so far pronounced:

Senor, and with exaggerated ceremony. La puerta.

For Sale

We're leaving, and we're selling the following! Buyer organises pick up, comment if you want any further info. Nos vamos y estamos vendiendo el sigiuente. El comprador debe organizar la mudanza, para mas informacion, dejame un commentario. Dougs 

Entertainment Unit $1200
SOLD/VENDIDO

Couch and cushions: $550
SOLD/VENDIDO

Purple Lamp: $350

Kitchen table: $400
Chairs: $75 each (there are 4...)
or $600 for everything.   

Red writer's desk: $450 matching chair: $150
or  $550 for both.  

Parilla! $350 

Bumbo Baby Seat, from 3 months: $120 

Phil & Ted: double stroller and all accessories, including newborn carry cot. rain shield, adaptors.
$1900  

Dougs 

If You Do These Things, Stop It.

Yeah. Like that. Exactly like that. 

Here's a list of the most annoying things people can ever do. They're mundane, but that just elevates the amount that I want my own heart to explode, just to give me an escape.

1. Laughing in public, for attention.  You know. That laugh? Technically it's identical to a sincere laugh, but just a millisecond less spontaneous, a microsecond more forced. We're onto you, attention-seaking-laughers. You crave our attention. We loathe you still. No one is going to ask you what's so funny. Note: if people do this, do NOT ask them what was funny. Poke them in the eye.

2. Reading what's on your t-shirt. Just die. Please. Thanks.

In 34 years, I have never even killed so
much as killed someone in a cinema.
And yet do I have even one medal? No.  

3. Almost anything in a cinema screening. Is there anything another human can do in the cinema that doesn't make you want to strangle them with their own intestines? Eating popcorn, checking their phone, talking, chewing, explaining the plot to their half witted friend. When I went to the King's Speech, at the end, a woman turned to her partner and said, as if she's worked out The Usual Suspects after half an hour: Oh, look at that! He did the whole speech without stuttering once! Oh. Wow. Ruined. 

4. Offer their opinion. Here's a good rule of thumb. If you know my name, you may express an opinion to me. Taxi drivers and hairdressers, take special note. 

5. People who still act as though they are bewildered by technology that really is so common that the joke is woefully out of date.
- Idiot: Oh have you got one of those iPods, or iSmabs, or, what are they called, iSpoons?
- Human: Yes, I have an iPad.
- Idiot: Oh, aren't you just the hippest! All the gadgets. What happened to people just talking to each other anyway?
- Human: They used to, then people like you started talking and now they play Angry Birds infinitely as a way of avoiding any social contact ever again.
- Idiot: Hey, what does your t-shirt say... Just. Die. Please.... I don't get it. Are you going to Twoot that? Is that it. Are you on Twoot.com? Am I saying it right? 
- Human: No. 

6. Other jokes woefully out of date: middle class jokes with the punchline hummus or organic. Enough's enough.  

7. People who haven't watched enough TV to find something you say funny. If make a reference to the Hoff, and you don't know who the Hoff is, shame on you. This is your fault, and the awkwardness as you look at me, lost, is entirely your doing. You have killed the moment. Find out what you are doing wrong, correct it, and get back to me as soon as you can: tell me how much you laughed, retrospectively, apologise, and I will forgive you. But have no doubt that it is you who is at fault.

8. Saying Wo-ah when a waiter brings your food to the table. In a really decent restaurant. Seriously: that was painfully embarrassing when you said it at an 8 years old's birthday party at TFIs. Don't do it here, they've a maitre d' and everything. It killed me to get a reservation... Wo-oah, hummus!

9. Asinine Facebook updates. Examples: 

Alex Long has got to get fit. Bill likes this. 

Don't encourage him, Bill.   


Then again, sometimes you get something like this. 

10. Ah, forget it, life's alright. Just re the Alex the werewolf thing again. Credit where it's due.

Road Trip

Packed up the car for a week at the beach in Carilo - idyllic little hideaway about a 5 hour drive south of Buenos Aires on the coast. Everything was going absolutely fine until Katie, trying to strap Maia in to her car seat, accidentally caught her own arm in the harness.    

Monglike, but putting on a brave face, she was unable to free her left arm.

Leah and I went for a coffee... as truly we thought she would have freed herself pretty quickly. Aron Ralsten would have bitten his arm off for such a simple conundrum.  

127 hours later, still mystified by the working of the dual strap. Child safety, for you. 

Leah and I talked about continuing on foot.  

Still there. Light starting to fade...