A picture tells a thousand lies.
Played my first game in Peru, at Lima Cricket and Sports Club, for a team whose name I cannot pronounce or spell, and play in the most ludicrous of purple hats. Eigernossen?
A fabulous bastion of ex-pat life if ever there was one. Clubhouse is called The Cricketers for M.C.C's sake, and they serve Fish and Chips, in newspaper! If you're going to be not living in Peru, you should do it in style, I say.
And what is less Living In Peru than a game of cricket? That's right, a good piece of driving, I hear you cry (at the pun).
My otherwise totally undistinguished performance was rescued by a combination of the digital revolution, social networks and no small amount of skill from the wonderful Christine Kradolfer, who I have to thank for this cracking photo. Split second earlier, no top hand at all. Split second later, legs already cramping. But such is the timing (of the camerawork) that somehow the one shot I did middle is captured forever, and now published for the entire world to enjoy.
Unlike Argentina, regrettably, Cricket Peru is an almost exclusively ex-pat affair. As such, I found more than anything I missed the bizarre Spanish-Spanglish-CricketSpeak that had evolved in Argentine Cricket. To speak in English on the pitches of, well, let's be frank, San Albano was to invite a world of tobogando, as the bitter banter of a pair of not so tiny Paterlinis arrived to remind you that you were a visitor in their country, and to get the papas fritas back to your own if you wannaspeakininglish.
But, like all dying languages, this one is worth recording.
Credit and thanks to the great Argentines Derek Culley and Nico Schulte full much of this, and especially to the surprisingly trilingual Ryan Butta for the following A to Z for Spanish Cricket Jargon
And yes, this took about 3 years or ropey slip cordon banter to complete. (Like cricket, about 10 people in the world will find this brilliant...):
Agricultural = ... del campo
An Angry Scotsman = Un Escoces Enojado
Bowl = Bolear
Bowler = Boleador/a
Bat = Batear
Batsman = Bateador/a
Backward point = a tras de la punta
A BOUNCER = Seguridad
A Chinese Cut = Un corto chino
Chin music = La musica de la barbilla
Cifras del boleador = Bowling figures
Cricket = El creequet/croquet
Cricketer = Un creequetero/a
CREASE = arruga
POPPING CREASE = arruga estallando
Cow corner = Esquina de vaca
To catch = Atrapar
A catch = Un catch
To catch like a crocodile = Hacer un 'worsnap'
To field = Fieldear
The field - La cancha
GOOGLY = Un Politico - looks like it's spinning one way, but on arrival it spins the other way
Gully - un arroyo
Ground fees = Roberto (as in Robert de Niro (dinero)
Fine = Fina
Fine leg = Pierna fina
First slip = primer resbaloso and so on..
Full Toss (vulg.) = Paja llena
LBW = PFW Pierna delante de los palos
Long on = Largo encima
Long off = Largo afuera
Silly mid off = Medio tonto
Silly mid on = Medio tonto encima
MICHELLE 5-for = Un Capital Asiatico/Singapor/Cinco por...
NO BALL = Sin pelotas
Retired hurt = jubilado lastimado
Run Out = Corre Afuera o Victima del Salvaje
Short leg = Pierna corta/enano
Square leg = Pierna cuadrada
SEAM = parece... He is getting some nice parece out there
Sledging = Tobogando
Stumped = Quedar manco
TO SLOG = slogear
A SLOGGER = un slogeador/a
SWING = el eswing
Six biscuits = seis galletitas, o 'media docena'
IN-SWINGER = Portia di Rossi
AWAY-SWINGER = Elton John
REVERSE SWING = Ojo! Parecio un Elton John pero en realidad era una Portia de Rossi!
The Thing! = Cualquier Lowen
Wicket = Los palos
TO WHIP eg "He whipped it from outside off stump") = Azotar!? "Lo azoto de afuera de los palos. Que bateador!"
WRONG 'UN = Un equivocado
And two phrases, for the master class only...
HE NICKED IT THROUGH TO THE SLIPS. "El lo schulteo a traves de los resbalosos!"
HE NICKED IT, THE KEEPER WENT UP, BUT HE DIDN'T WALK. "El lo schulteo, Luli Fernandez (a real keeper) subio, pero no camino... Pelotudo. No es el cricket para nada." * The verb "To nick" derives from the great Argentine batsman Nico Schulte. Hence in the past simple, lo schulteo means he nicked it *
