1.Rio de Janeiro was found and founded in the mid 1800s by some lost Portugeese sailors, who found an enormous bay with a Christ statue there and thought it was a sign from God, so they stayed.
2. It is appropriate to eat a chocolate cake, and nothing more, for breakfast.
3. Following the success of the Beach Volleyball team in the 2000 Olympics, the government declared it a law that - like in this hallowed sport - no citizen of Brazil may wear more than 17 cubic centimetres of clothing. This can be evidenced by the sporting of speedos in the supermarket.
4. It is appropriate to eat/drink acai in place of chocolate cake in Brazil. No one knows where acai comes from, but people whisper that it was a government drug used during World War II.
It is highly addictive, and is a rare 'fruit' made from the digested berries of Squirrel-Lions, indigenous creatures to the Rio river. (See video clip.)
5. Brazil's recent economic downturn is not related to the wider financial crisis, but is exclusively due to the unpronouncability of its currency, the Real. Don't be fooled. This is pronounced somewhere between an American Ye-Haa and a Chinese Judo chop noise. Exchange that.
6. There is not one cat in Brazil. I looked.
7. Portuguese is no way similar to Spanish. It is similar in as much as it looks sometimes a little like Spanish, assuming that is the Spanish written phonetically by a dyslexic shorthand typist, then pronounced by a German speaking Japanese.
8. The film Brazil is a very poor guide to the country.
9. Nakedness is to Brazilians what punctuality is to the British. Cherished, important, the basis of an entire culture.
10. Our luxury beach house overlooking the white sand of Itaicu was very different to the film City of God. Which was a relief.
11. Many people say that the statue of Christo is more impressive the further away you are from it/Him/It. Parisians say it is quite stunning.
12. Getting lost in a favella is quite a lot like the film City of Men.
13. Favella, literally translated, means 'banana'. No one knows why.
14. Rio people don't like Sao Paulo people. They say Sao Paolo people work too hard and have no sense of humour. Sao Paolo people 'accuse' Rio people of only being interested in sex, dancing, having fun and hanging out on the beach. Which is about the worst accusation ever.
15. Sugar Loaf Mountain is not made from sugar, nor is it a loaf, nor a mountain. This follows a long tradition of national landmarks and lying. For example, Big Ben (small), Arthur's Seat (I have never met anyone called Arthur in Scotland) or the Sydney Opera House (which is in Wales).
16. Pele's is actually a nickname. His real name is Eduardo Bikini Machu Pichi de Elordy Frankfurt Sanchez Vicario.
And now you know some things.
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