La Gripe Procina is all the rage here at the moment, more in staff room conversations than any real threat, it would seem. A child cannot sneeze without a muttering being heard in the staff room that the ministerio will shut us down within the hour.
The minisetrio's policy is to shut down any school for 2 weeks where there is a case of H1N1, leading me to introduce the kids to the concept of "taking one for the team". Few takes, so far.
And, being teachers, and rather used to taking a holiday, it hasn't taken long before a 'snowed in' sense of excitement has been replaced by a bitter a sense of entitlement. Why are we still taching? It's dangerous? Would someone please think of the lie ins... sorry... the children?
So here is my take on the rising witch hunt of hysteria regarding la gripe argentina.
Level 1: Sombreros. People in Mexico falling ill of la gripe. Sombreros banned from la cuidad. Mexican officials get annoyed that Argies close airports to Mexicans, taunting them with the yellow fever problems in Argentina. A Yeah, well your mum's got the pox level of political maturity.
Level 2: No kissing! First case finds its way to Argentina. Initial panic, people stay home. Pamphlet handed out to all citizens stating that people should "not kiss, nor share a straw when drinking mate, nor touch each other less than necessary". About as likely to work as a 'drink in moderation' initiative in Glasgow.
Level 3: Panic. Panic passes after weeks of inactivity, before cases start to spread in the capital. Who's laughing now? says Mexico. Schools in Mexico cancelled - a dream is born.
Level 4: The 'Del Po' Factor. Talk of closing public places for 72 hours. Alcoholic gel distributed to all teachers. Students asked to clear their lockers, just in case… Witch hunt begins, every sneeze and cough leading to accusations of spreading the disease! Es una chancha!
Edict from the government: if your school has a reported case of InfluenzaAH1N1, then you will be closed with immediate effect for two weeks.
We are standing on the steps of greatness, people. Yes, we don't want anyone to be ill. Yes, we all want two weeks off. Yes, these desires can be compatible. How? It's Argentina – fake something!
So it's all fun and games and la gripe moves from being a genuine threat to the best excuse for a couple of sick days since la gripe español. Furthermore, students are told that they cannot return to school until they have a signed official doctor's note.
Attendance drops to about 50% - of which a 5% are in any way ill. Del Potro's progress at Roland Garros (screened 9am – 3pm here) in no way helps the numbers.
Level 5: Jealousy. School that we have heard of close! Lincoln, St Andrew's, Northlands… they're dropping like flies. Could be any minute now! As I write, I feel very much like my school is very much in the eye of the storm. Schools around us – at least, compatible privados - are closing left right and center and, with every smug text message I receive from a fellow teacher at an ailing school, texting from the golf course or in the pub, so my sense of injustice rises.
Level 6: U-turn. Government announces that schools that close must either catch up the time this July or at the end of the school year.
Stick that Northlands! How do you like me now, San Andreas?
Schools now panic plan and rapidly re-adjust to email enough work home so as not to be brought back in December, but not so much that they have to get up before 10am. You see, when they need to, they can be efficient.
Will update you on any changes.
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