Lima Cricket

A picture tells a thousand lies. 

Played my first game in Peru, at Lima Cricket and Sports Club, for a team whose name I cannot pronounce or spell, and play in the most ludicrous of purple hats. Eigernossen?

A fabulous bastion of ex-pat life if ever there was one. Clubhouse is called The Cricketers for M.C.C's sake, and they serve Fish and Chips, in newspaper! If you're going to be not living in Peru, you should do it in style, I say.  

And what is less Living In Peru than a game of cricket? That's right, a good piece of driving, I hear you cry (at the pun).  

My otherwise totally undistinguished performance was rescued by a combination of the digital revolution, social networks and no small amount of skill from the wonderful Christine Kradolfer, who I have to thank for this cracking photo. Split second earlier, no top hand at all. Split second later, legs already cramping. But such is the timing (of the camerawork) that somehow the one shot I did middle is captured forever, and now published for the entire world to enjoy.  

Unlike Argentina, regrettably, Cricket Peru is an almost exclusively ex-pat affair. As such, I found more than anything I missed the bizarre Spanish-Spanglish-CricketSpeak that had evolved in Argentine Cricket. To speak in English on the pitches of, well, let's be frank, San Albano was to invite a world of tobogando, as the bitter banter of a pair of not so tiny Paterlinis arrived to remind you that you were a visitor in their country, and to get the papas fritas back to your own if you wannaspeakininglish.  

But, like all dying languages, this one is worth recording.

Credit and thanks to the great Argentines Derek Culley and Nico Schulte full much of this, and especially to the surprisingly trilingual Ryan Butta for the following A to Z for Spanish Cricket Jargon

And yes, this took about 3 years or ropey slip cordon banter to complete. (Like cricket, about 10 people in the world will find this brilliant...):


Agricultural = ... del campo
An Angry Scotsman = Un Escoces Enojado
Bowl = Bolear 
Bowler = Boleador/a
Bat = Batear 
Batsman = Bateador/a

Backward point = a tras de la punta

A BOUNCER = Seguridad

A Chinese Cut = Un corto chino

Chin music = La musica de la barbilla

Cifras del boleador = Bowling figures

Cricket = El creequet/croquet

Cricketer = Un creequetero/a 

CREASE = arruga

POPPING CREASE = arruga estallando

Cow corner = Esquina de vaca

To catch = Atrapar

A catch = Un catch 

To catch like a crocodile = Hacer un 'worsnap'

To field = Fieldear

The field - La cancha 

GOOGLY = Un Politico - looks like it's spinning one way, but on arrival it spins the other way

Gully - un arroyo 

Ground fees = Roberto (as in Robert de Niro (dinero) 

Fine = Fina 

Fine leg = Pierna fina 

First slip = primer resbaloso and so on..

Full Toss (vulg.) = Paja llena

LBW = PFW Pierna delante de los palos

Long on = Largo encima

Long off = Largo afuera

Silly mid off = Medio tonto 

Silly mid on = Medio tonto encima

MICHELLE 5-for = Un Capital Asiatico/Singapor/Cinco por... 

NO BALL = Sin pelotas

Retired hurt = jubilado lastimado 

Run Out = Corre Afuera o Victima del Salvaje  

Short leg = Pierna corta/enano

Square leg = Pierna cuadrada 

SEAM = parece...  He is getting some nice parece out there

Sledging = Tobogando

Stumped = Quedar manco 

TO SLOG = slogear

A SLOGGER = un slogeador/a

SWING = el eswing

Six biscuits = seis galletitas, o 'media docena' 

IN-SWINGER = Portia di Rossi

AWAY-SWINGER = Elton John 

REVERSE SWING = Ojo! Parecio un Elton John pero en realidad era una Portia de Rossi!

The Thing! = Cualquier Lowen

Wicket = Los palos

TO WHIP eg "He whipped it from outside off stump") = Azotar!? "Lo azoto de afuera de los palos. Que bateador!" 

WRONG 'UN =  Un equivocado

And two phrases, for the master class only... 

HE NICKED IT THROUGH TO THE SLIPS. "El lo schulteo a traves de los resbalosos!"

HE NICKED IT, THE KEEPER WENT UP, BUT HE DIDN'T WALK. "El lo schulteo, Luli Fernandez (a real keeper) subio, pero no camino... Pelotudo. No es el cricket para nada."  
* The verb "To nick" derives from the great Argentine batsman Nico Schulte. Hence in the past simple, lo schulteo means he nicked it *