The Education Value of Television

Ah, Mitch Buchanan. Possibly the biggest tool of a character ever to be written into a TV series.

Well, Latin America has excelled itself. Not with a civil war, nor with corrupt politicians. This week's reason to be embarrassed comes from Venezuela. Caracas TV this week ditched The Simpsons from its daily 11am slot due to its "unsuitable" material and its depictions of a "dysfunctional family".

The country's TV regulator said the saga of Homer Simpson, wife Marge and their three children flouted regulations that prohibit "messages that go against the whole education of boys, girls and adolescents".

All a bit China-like, really, and not even that interesting. Until you hear what they have chosen to replace The Simpsons with.

Baywatch.

Now, don't get me wrong, Baywatch got me through some long, girlfriendless winter afternoons in my teenage years in Scotland. There's a reason the Baywatch ring tone is the ONLY ring tone that doesn't make you want to batter the phone repeatedly into the owner's head: a nostalgic smile replacing the almost instinctive murderous rage.

Incidentally, if you can't remember the intellectual socio-political depth of this show, click the link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuYrRebvFHc You back? Wasn't that great?

But, seriously. Baywatch? If ever there was a TV show to choose, would you really go to Baywatch as the programme that had "messages that (promote) the whole education of boys, girls and adolescents".

And from my years of Baywatch viewing, I learned the following. Baywatch teaches you that:

1. Running is very healthy, best done in slo-motion (and can lead to boob growth).

2. One day, if you work hard in school, you too might be The Hoff!
3. Nearly drowning is absolutely worth it. You have only a 1/7 chance of being resussitated by Mitch, against a 4 in 7 chance of Nicole Eggert, Yasmine Bleech, that skinny older one lacking in what the others have in abundance or (God Bless The Thought), Pammy herself. (Yeah, so the other 2 are also guys.)
4. Strange things often happen near beaches. Not to worry. Life Guards can do anything, from diffusing rogue World War II mines to fusing the metal of oil tankers.
5. There is no difference between a babysitter and a glamour model.

Now go and learn, Venezuelans.