5 Things To Know About New Zealand

1. Talk weather.

2. Deny you're from Auckland.

3. When in the Waiarapa, you're either not from Auckland, or you're a bogun. In this case, ignore Rule 2.

4. If you are an absolute moron, pass the time by calling your local radio station.

Meet Carl:

- Hi Carl, thanks for calling. So, how was your New Year's then?

- Good.

- Yeah? Awesome. So, what did you do?

- Got drunk.

- Really?

- Yeah, really.

- Yeah...

- Yeah... I got drunk.

- (Awkward pause) Well Carl, thanks for calling. Line 7...

The Pie (national radio feature)

"... it's always been a mystery to me how the pie has never become more popular in the United States. It's not that it's not eaten, or you cannot find the pie, but it has always been a disappointment that the pie has not reached the iconic stage that it has here in New Zealand..."

No, bigger disappointment tha your entire life. Line 4?

Meet Jenny:
- Hi Jenny, on line 4. 
- Hi.
- Happy New Year, Jenny. 
- Thanks. 
- So... (awkward pause) Have you bought your new calendar yet?
Jenny hangs up. Fair call. 

5. And finally, quote Crowded House. You know that song, Four Seasons In One Day? Well that happens here quite a lot actually? That you get a very changeable weather? As if you have Four Seasons In A...?

Yup. I got it.