Maternity Class A

Maternity Classed

After 5 hours of Spanish lessons, my brain was fairly full of new words and when to use the Present Perfect, the Imperfect and the Pluperfect (those are verb tenses, in case any British people between the ages of 25 to 35 are reading), so I’m not sure if I got everything that was explained to us during our first Maternity Class, but here goes.

The women were there from 6.30pm – 7.30pm, and then the boys could join in. I say join in, but I was pretty efficiently bundled out during the explanation that it was ‘Women Only’ for the first hour. No uterus, no need to stay. I wasn’t going to argue.

But it was nice to be going to classes, thereby finally doing a second useful thing nearly after 8 months of spectating...

Outside, we, the men, the waiting warriors, were truly pathetic. A gathering of sheepish looking dudes, actively pretending to be checking their phones, going through the dance of… Hmm, does that message truly need to remain in the inbox, let’s think about this… no one wanting to be the first to buzz in and infiltrate The Woman Zone.

What is it that terrifies us about pregnant women? (The film Alien?)

Anyway, once in, a series of mats had been arranged around the edges of the floor and we paired off. Well, we would have. Katie had disappeared and was chatting to the midwife in another room, so I sort of hung out in the middle, which would have made sense to the other women there, who had actually seen Katie. The other guys weren’t o sure, and started to circle the wagons questioning the presence of this foreigner with a fetish who’d come to pry on their vulnerable, immoveable embarazadas.

Fortunately, Katie returned and during the talk by the paediatrician I understood the following things during the next eighty minutes:
• It doesn’t really matter what type of dummy or pacifier you use. They are mostly the same.

I gotta admit I really didn’t catch anything else.

So we’re totally ready for the arrival in early March, and leave the teething to me.

Footnote: upon Katie reading this, it turns out that I didn’t even have the pacifier bit was accurate. (And for the record, you need a little dummy for a little baby. You’d think I might have got that…)